Kidz Bop Is a High Form Of Art

I'm sure many of you are aware of the music groups Kidz Bop. You know, CD you got at McDonald's that one time and then threw into the trash. The concept of Kidz Bop is to take whatever song is currently trending and getting a bunch of children to sing them. After all, why would you listen to the real song when you can listen to a bunch of prepubescent squeakers sing them instead, right? I myself want to see a Puberty Bop album, filled with voice cracks and other puberty related stuff. Maybe a Senior Citizens Bop, where our favorite folks from the local retirement home do their best to sing the new hip music! Heck, how about a Kidz KPop, where they sing Korean pop songs-

Oh wait, they already did that. The horror!

I'm not sure how these albums keep being made, who keeps buying them? They've been going on since 2000, and it doesn't look like they're going to stop anytime soon. It's been going on for so long, this band has replaced more members than Kiss. I wonder what happened to these kids, did they ever go on to do anything else in life, or is this the only noteworthy thing they've ever done? Do people ever make fun of them for their past? Were any members in Kidz Bop ever murdered? Are all the members in Kidz Bop created in a laboratory to be the perfect Tween Stars? I wouldn't be surprised if they were.

Kidz Bop also tours around doing concerts! I myself have never been to a concert in my life, so I feel like Kidz Bop would be a good introduction. Maybe I could take my nonexistent girlfriend with me to the concert, that would make for a great date. Sure, it would be awkward since everyone else there would be a 6 year old girl, but come on, Kidz Bop, man!

Since I don't know what else to talk about, I'm just going to post the worst Kidz Bop songs I could find. Be warned that they are the worst things ever, and the weak hearted should avoid listening to them. You've been warned.

Remember to praise your almighty Ogrelord, kids.

I like call these two the "IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM" bundle.

Also, neither of the main singers in these songs sound like they're kids.

I don't think anyone can deny that this is the worst one of the bunch. Let's take Crazy Frog, the most annoying song of the early 2000's and get a bunch of kids to sing it, what could go wrong? EVERYTHING. Everything the could go wrong did go wrong with this song. It doesn't even sound like anyone here is trying, I feel so bad for the people that had to sing this. This makes me so mad, the same species that landed on the moon made this. The human race is truly a mixed bag of awful.

To be honest, I could have put anything on this list. The band is just so bad, that I could have put anything on here and it wouldn't have made a difference. I'm just glad they haven't touched my favorite band, They Might be Giants. I guess they're not relevant enough in this modern day and age. At least humanity has got that going for it. Did I miss any of the truly awful songs? Be sure to let me know if I did. I would sure love to torture myself some more with awful songs made worse by children singing them! Then again, no one reads this garbage blog anyways, so I that probably won't be happening anytime soon. I think I just dodged a bullet. Yay for being unpopular!

"Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: All Star Battle" Review

Warning: You will probably have no clue what I'm talking about in this post. I also go full weeaboo, so beware of that

Have I ever mentioned my unhealthy obsession for the series Jojo's Bizarre Adventure? Because I think I may be too attached to this series. Ever since I watched all of the anime on a totally legal video website, I can't help myself from posing fabulously during the day, or making some reference that no one will understand. It's consumed my entire being, and there's nothing I can do about it. So one day, I decided to order the PS3 game online to see if it was any good. I had my hopes really high, I could make DIO from Part 1 fight his older self from Part 3! I could make Josuke from Part 4 get pissed about his hair! I could make Jojo from Part 2 predict the next line of any of the other characters in game! It was like a dream come true for me, I could finally live out my stupidest Jojo related fantasies in this game! I borrowed my cousin's boyfriend's PS3 just so I could play this one game. How was the game, you may ask? It's OK.

The game is a fighting game, and fairly "Meh" one at that. Maybe it's just that I'm not used to 3D fighting games, or that I'm not used to the PS3 controller for fighting games. The combat itself also felt really slow, but then again it may have been my unfamiliarity with the poopy PS3 controller I had. I mean, the game itself was fun to play once I had gotten used to it, but it's nothing compared to the Arcade Game that came out back in the day. Either way, I had a week to play the game until I had to return the PS3, so I might as well make the most with what I had! After all, I could still play as DIO and beat the shit out of everyone in Arcade mode! Time to go and pick DIO, my man-

The game's starting roster

...Where the hell is DIO?

And now we come to the biggest problem in the game: You have to unlock characters! It's a fairly common thing to have to unlock characters in fighting games, but if you look up there, over half of the roster needs to be unlocked! I would understand having a few unlockable characters, but not most of the gosh dang roster! If I were to bring this game over to a friend's house to play it, we'd either have to waste out time unlocking some characters, or just deal with the 14 starting characters. DIO isn't even a starting character. You know, DIO, arguably the most iconic Jojo character! No, in order to unlock DIO, you have to play through a Story Mode. A really, really crappy story mode. The story mode has you fighting characters and playing through the of a certain part of the game, as you probably expected. Here are the problems with story mode:

1. The game is missing some key playable characters from the series, so the story feels empty

2. You only play one stage for each of the volumes for story mode. You'll be fighting Kakyoin for the first time in Cairo, where the final battle took place. Because that makes sense.

3. It's so boooring. I just want to play as DIO, let me play as DIO!

The worst part is I didn't unlock any of the characters past Part 3. I've only read up until halfway through Part 4, so I didn't want to spoil the rest of the series by playing through the crappy story mode. I ended up just playing story mode for 2 hours to unlock everyone just so I could have fun playing the game, and by the time I did unlock some of the characters, I didn't want to play the game anymore! I ended up so bored playing through the awful story mode that I just kind of gave up on the game. Now that I don't have the PS3 I borrowed, I regret not trying some of the other characters from later parts. I was so busy with unlocking characters that I forgot to have fun playing the game. Now I don't have the PS3 with me, and I can't play the game. At least the box would look good on display, it can show off that I'm a total Jojo nerd, even though I've mostly just watched the anime, because I'm a filthy scrublord who hasn't read the manga.

And with that, I end my stupid rambling. Oops, I'm a total weeaboo about Jojo, have fun sending a lynch mob to my house. At least someone will be coming over to visit. Curse you, lonely summers. I just want a hug.

I'm back from the dead!

Hello, readers of this stupid blog! I have returned from the underworld to bring back my apparently humorous posts, just for you! Expect more posts for the rest of this month, and maybe even some videos, assuming I don't end up being a lazy potato and not doing anything. Be sure to spam me until I do that!

You're a Kid now, You're a Squid now

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The Splatoon Global Test Fire!

Last weekend, Nintendo had a global online demo where you could play their newest IP for the Wii U, Splatoon. Splatoon is a 3rd person shooter, where you take control of a humanoid squid called an "Inkling", and use various water gun related weapons to shoot ink in order to cover an area of your teams color. Inklings also have the ability to turn into a squid and swim in your own team's color of ink, increasing your movement speed. Whichever team has the most ink of their color at the end of a round wins. It's a really creative concept for a shooter, and it feels so refreshing to have some color in a shooter other than brown-ish grey.

Now, I participated in the global online demo this weekend, and I'm here to share some of my thoughts on the game. I've been exited for this game since its reveal last year, and I'm so glad I finally got to play it. Even though I could only use 4 weapons in the demo, it was a blast to play. At first, it was really hard for me to figure out how the controls worked. I'm usually not very good at these kinds of games, but after a while, I got used to the controls and learned a few techniques, and then I started winning most of the matches I played, and it was a blast. I felt really bummed out that I had to stop playing after the 1 hour online demo was over, I wanted to keep playing for hours on end. It's hard to believe that this is just a demo of the game, I probably had one of the most exiting experiences with an online shooter that I've ever had.

By far my favorite of the 4 weapons you could use in the demo was the normal SplatterShot, and maybe the SplatterShot Jr, since it had that shield special move, which really helps with battles. A lot of people seem to be saying that the roller is the best weapon by far, and that it might even be considered OP, but I never had any trouble taking out people with the roller. When you have a gun and they're running towards you with a short ranged melee weapon, it's not that difficult for me to take out a roller user. Event though I didn't like the Roller very much, by far my least favorite weapon is the Charger. It's supposed to be a long range sniping weapon, but I feel like it has a too short of a range to be a good sniping tool, honestly. Plus, ussually when I hit someone with a charged shot, they didn't even die. However, the worst part of the Charger has to be that it's very bad at covering turf. Since the main point of the game is to cover the most turf with your teams color, this makes the Charger a much less viable weapon for covering ground.

Overall, I'd say Splatoon is definitely worth getting. It launches on May 29th, or this Friday. I'll be sure to pick it up on launch date, so if you somehow happen to own a Wii U, I'd recommend picking it up. If you do happen to pick up the game, message me, and we could probably work something out to play it together. Until then, I'd recommend looking into this game if you're interested. If you want to know more about the game, click here to watch a video about the game, it shows off almost everything related to Splatoon. There's a lot more about the game that I didn't talk about in this blog, including a singleplayer campaign.

I talk about Frozen for some reason

Frozen is one of the most successful movies in recent time, both critically and financially. I myself thought the movie was simply "meh", but like many people, I couldn't stand the huge following it had obtained. People singing "Let it Go" everywhere I went. You have no clue how hard it was to volunteer as a camp counselor for a drama camp, when every week some kid would want to be Elsa in one of the plays the kids got to write and preform.  After 3 weeks of someone asking to be Elsa, we eventually got sick of it and decided to banish any Frozen related things from any of the performances.

It truly is impressive how popular this movie has become. Even now, I still see merchandise everywhere over a year after the movie's release. I myself like to call those little girls who have all sorts of Frozen merchandise and toys and clothes "Elsaheimer's diseases" because I'm a horrible person. I haven't seen anything like it since Shrek was on every single product back in the mid 2000's. I see it everywhere, not even Club Penguin is safe from the Frozen virus, getting multiple events to promote the movie, as if it needed any more.

However, even with all of these things, there is one thing that annoys me more than anything this movie has spewed out. Something that induces rage into my body at the simple sight of. Behold, the spawn of the underworld: Olaf.

I have a supreme hatred for this snowman. I was told that he was supposed to be the funniest character in the entire movie, and that "I would love him". Oh, my feelings towards this abomination are the opposite of any sort of affection. I never laughed at anything this creature did, rather, I simply cringed at the fact that this thing was supposed to be funny. I myself never found the "Lovable Idiot" stereotype to be funny, usually it just ends up being really, really annoying. To me, nothing is worse than a character that doesn't exist for any reason other to be funny or appeal the kids. At the end of the movie after all the snow vanished, I was hoping to see Olaf melt and die, but no, he get's his own personal snow cloud, which somehow keeps him from melting. Perfect. Don't even get me started on how he sings, either. His only song is about how he wants to see summer, which I'm guessing is supposed to be funny, since he's a snowman. It came off as really annoying and stupid. Maybe I just have no sense of humor, but every single time I look at that stupid smile of his, I get the sudden urge to physically hurt him. I would love to simply lure Olaf into a Pizza oven, telling him there was free candy in there or something. Of course, he'd happily walk in, only to find the door closed behind him. Then I would get to witness the pure joy of watching that stupid face of his turn into a face of pure terror, as he slowly melts into a puddle. Where's your cloud now, huh? Once he had become nothing more than a puddle, I'd take that puddle of his, along with his carrot nose, and make myself some nice carrot stew, with a fire flamed by his coal buttons. Then, I'd feed that stew to the homeless, so something good could come from his pure terribleness.

How much you want to bet I'll be sent to a therapist for this post?

Review of the Mewtwo DLC Character in Super Smash Brothers for Wii U and 3DS

At long last, the long awaited Mewtwo has been released as a DLC for Super Smash Brothers for Wii U and 3DS. Mewtwo was first introduced in to the series in Super Smash Bros Melee, but was absent from Brawl and the newest game. However, due to popular demand, he was added as a DLC character availible to purchase for 3.99 for one version, and 4.99 for both versions. Even though he's not available for purchase until the 28th of April, if you had registered both versions of the game, you could get a free download code for Mewtwo to be able to play as him early! However, I didn't do that, so I thought I would be stuck without being able to play as Mewtwo for the next two weeks. Thankfully, an online friend of mine didn't want the code for the 3DS version of the game, so I got myself a Mewtwo code early. I thought I might as well take advantage of this and write a quick review about how I feel about him as a fighter.

I never really liked Mewtwo in Melee, but I'm glad they brought him back. He's been greatly improved in speed and power, even though he mostly plays the same as before. My favorite part about Mewtwo has to be how he can easily keep foes at a distance with side Side B, his shadow ball move, and by swinging his long tail at his opponents. You can easily do some decent damage while staying at a safe distance. However, I feel Mewtwo's biggest flaw would have to be his rather poor methods of dealing with enemies up close, and he's easily overpowered by faster enemies. He's fairly slow, and if you're up against a fast character like say Greninja or Lucario, you could be in trouble. Overall, I think Mewtwo is a really fun character. He doesn't have that ridiculous power that other slower characters have, but he makes up for it for it with his incredible range and unpredictable floaty controls. I'm just happy he's back and improved from his Melee counterpart, and I'm excited to see what characters will be added next as DLC.