Battletoads, Part 1: It's a game

It's the month of Halloween, as you can see from my last two posts made as a joke. Since it's the month of spookiness, I figured "Why not talk about something scary?" Of course, I decided to pick a game that strikes fear into the hearts of gamers everywhere: Battletoads.

Battletoads Title Screen

For those of you who aren't aware, Battletoads is a game for the Nintendo Entertainment System infamous for being one of the most stupidly hard games out there. The game was made in 1991 by the company Rareware (Source), who is famous for the Donkey Kong Country games Banjo-Kazooie, and being bought out by Microsoft in the early 2000's.  Many people have tried and failed to overcome this dreaded game, but few have managed to get past the third level. Even Speedrunners are afraid! My goal when playing this game was to a least get past the third level, so I can say I'm slightly better than most people who play this game. I'll do a quick run down of the first 3 levels, and my opinions on them. Before that, I'd like to first discuss why this game is so gosh dang hard.

Now I know you might be thinking: "But Caaaarg, this doesn't sound so bad, a lot of games did this back in the day! Haven't you played MegaMan or something?" Well, the thing about Battletoads is you only get 3 lives and 3 continues (Assuming you don't use the 5 lives code). You can gain 1ups from either getting 50,000 points, or just finding a 1up in a level. If you lose those 3 lives and continues, you're dead. Game Over. You gotta start all the way from the start.

3 lives.

3 continues.

That's all you get.

Have fun.

It doesn't help that 90% of the game is memorization and insane split second reaction times. I myself thought the game looked pretty fun, so I decided to try it out. After all, if one of my friends could somehow beat this game, I can do it too! After all. I'm a very talented person, and I can definitely beat this game! Yeah, I can totally do this! Help me

LEVEL 1: Ragnarok's Canyon

Level 1 plays out like your traditional beat em up game, you go left to right beating up enemies and can even pick up a weapon to use against enemies! The level is fun, and not too hard. It ends with a really cool boss fight from the view of the enemy. He'll shoot you with a bunch of pellets, which you have to pick up and throw right at the screen. A similar fight was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time. It's a really cool concept for a fight, and I love how you never actually see the boss you're fighting, it's anyone's guess what he looks like. This level is really fun and easy, and makes you think that you're in for a relatively easy time, but nope, this level does nothing but lie to you and the game only gets harder and harder from here. Insert dirty joke here

Stage 1

Stage 1 Boss

LEVEL 2: Wookie Hole

Don't let the name fool you, Level 2 is not Chewbacca's butthole. It instead has you being lowered down into a cave, while various bug enemies try to attack you, Once again, you can take a weapon from one of these bug enemies to use against them. Another cool thing about this level is that if you go to the farthest side of the stage, you can turn into a wrecking ball and plow through any enemies in your way. There's not too much to say about this level, it's not much harder than the first level, but still pretty fun. The best part about it in my opinion is being able to juggle the fly enemies to get extra points, and eventually a 1up if you hit them enough. My favorite part of the game so far is trying to use the right moves to get the most amount of points so you can get extra lives, it's pretty dang satisfying. I also love how every level seems to do something different than the last, it's variety is really what makes the levels stand out as a game. There's not a single level that resembles a previous level in terms of looks or gameplay, and it's really cool.

Level 2

LEVEL 3: TURBO TUNNEL

And now we enter the dreaded Turbo Tunnel. The name strikes fear into the hearts of anyone who has played this game, or even heard of it. It's the infamous part of the game where everything get's stupidly hard and unfair. It starts out a lot like the first stage, making you feel relatively safe, as if this level isn't going to be so bad. Then, it happens. You hop onto that dreaded hoverbike thingy and the true part of the level begins. The level is just avoiding pillars in your way and jumping over pits while you're riding on the hoverbike, it doesn't seem that bad, huh? WRONG! The timing on some of these is extremely quick, and a lot of the times I feel like you need to know what's going to happen next if you want to avoid it. A lot of people despise this level, but how do I feel about it? Well, I honestly think it's a really fun level. I didn't have too much trouble dodging most of the things headed at me, and aside from the really stupid portion at the end of the stage, I personally don't think it's as impossible as everyone says it is. I think the easiest way to get through the dumb last portion is if you get into a rythem or listen for the sound Cues, you can maybe survive! Maybe. Honestly, I had a blast with this stage, and it left me wanting more stages like this, whether because I enjoyed the speed of the level, or because I like torturing myself while playing games, who knows.

That really stupid part near the end,
except it's slowed down. A lot.

And with that I conclude part 1 of this review. Overall, I'd say Battletoads is a fun game, even though I wouldn't call it a fair game. I recommend playing the game using infinite lives or the 5 extra lives code (Hold UP, DOWN A + B and then press start at the title screen), unless you feel up to the torture challenge to play it without infinite lives. God have mercy on your soul if you don't use cheat cheats. The first 3 levels are pretty fun, but good lord, the idea that there are harder levels than Turbo Tunnel fills me with nothing but pure fear. I'm not sure if I'll make a part 2, since I don't think anyone would be able to beat this game without cheating or losing every last piece of their sanity. I do recommend playing Battletoads at least once in your lifetime if you're up to the challenge. You can get it on the Rare Replay collection for the Xbox One, and there's also a version on the Sega Genesis. Be careful about trying to call a store for this game though, they don't take too kindly to phone calls about Battletoads.