Introducing: G Dip!

Hey, you there! Mister blog reader! Do you like Fundip? So do a lot of people! Don't you wish you could have like, 5 times more fun dip than a normal package of fundip? Well, have no fear! Introducing the hot new product: G Dip!

G Dip is a revolutionary product, made from pure 100% Gatorade Thirst Quencher Powder! Why buy a pack of Fun Dip when you can buy one large can of G Dip? Simply get yourself a lolipop or some sort of dipping stick, and begin G Dipping! G Dip comes in many flavors, such as Orange, Lemon Lime and probably some others they didn't have at the store! G Dip comes in a nice, safe container that can be easily stored for later consumption. No longer will you have to deal with the horrors of Fun Dip wrapper! My god, who came up with the idea for that? It's like a bunch of cocaine in a paper bag, except for kids. BUT YEAH G DIP BUY IT. You can find G Dip in the sports isle! YEah! G DIP, BITCH

Disclaimers: 

G Dip is in fact, very unhealthy, and eating excessive amounts in large periods of time will likely result in a very upset tummy. 

Carg Does Things is not responsible for any injuries that may occur due to consumtion of G Dip. 

G Dip has been known to cause mass hallucinations such as the following.

Oh it may result in death, which is not a very good thing. 

G Dip is in fact not endorsed by Gatorade or any of it's brands. 

Don't sue me. 

Teen Titans Go is a shitty show. 

G Dip may or may not be illegal in some parts of the world.

Like mexicans.

And Cocaine.

G Dip is Secretly Cocaine but orange flavored.

Or Lemon Lime Depending on which one you buy.

April Fools, dawg

No More Heroes

Back when I was in 6th-ish Grade, my friend played a lot of one game. That game was No More Heroes for the Nintendo Wii. Back then, I had no interest in the game, since it was violent, vulgar, bloody as all heck, contained boobies, ect. It was just too much for little 12-ish year old me to take! However, I am no longer 12-ish. I am a 17 years old manchild who still has the maturity and brainpower of a 12 year old and is ready to play a very violent Wii game! Let us begin.

Essentially, No More Heroes is a 3D hack and slash game where you play as Travis Touchdown, and cut a lot of people into bloody fountains with your beam katana, an everyday lightsaber with a different name to prevent lawsuit. The plot of the game is rather simple: Beat the other 10 ranked assassins in order to become the best assassin there is. As an added bonus, the leader of the assassin association, Sylvia Christel, also promises to have sex with you if you manage to get to the top rank. Now that's what I call motivation! It's a simple plot, the kind of plot I can really get behind, not to mention all the cutscenes are filled with really cheesy bad 80's action film styled dialogue. Sometimes the voice acting and writing does go into actually bad territory, a bit more often than I'd like. At the end of the day, the plot is basically an excuse to go around and cut some dudes heads off. Fun!

I personally love both the design of the beam katana, rather than just being a laser that magically ends at a certain length and breaking all logic breaking the universe, it instead has a thingy that goes down the side and up to the top. It brings some realism to a game where can plow down numerous palm trees with a motorbike without damaging said motorbike.

I personally really want to make a replica of the beam katana in the middle, or possibly the one left since it's the most iconic of the group and the one you get at the start of the game. Or both! I just really love how the sword has a tiny bit of realism, it sure is nice to have such a detail-

The Strongest and final Beam Katana in the game

Oh, nevermind. Well, it was nice while it lasted. Speaking of really cool things I like about this game, let's talk about Travis. His he's basically a giant weeaboo who likes to collect wrestling and anime merchandise. There's something I really like about this character, just the fact that he's a filthy otaku with no life, I relate to that pretty well which probably isn't a good thing. Heck man, just look at his room!

The room of  a true assassin

Uhh, but yeah, gameplay! The gameplay is as basic as it can be, you take your sword, and you swing it to cut people. Wee! I can't stress how much fun the gameplay is. Sure, you're just pressing A a lot, but my god, it's so much fun slicing people in half and watching their remains spray out fountains of blood and money. The game structure is what you'd expect, you go from one rank fight to the next, where you do a stage, then have a long fight with the next ranked member. Each stage usually has a unique enough gimmick to make going from stage to stage more fun, such as fighting dudes in busses, or on a train, or maybe you fall asleep and have to do a touhou styled minigame. That was a fun part.

 The bosses are definitely some of the best parts of the game, they're basically long duels of skill. Some of my favorites are DestroyMan, who fires giant dick lasers at you, and the large fat woman with a shopping kart laser thingy who hates men and also killed your trainer. It sure was satisfying to decapitate her! However, some bosses really, really grind my gears. Specifically, Shinobu and Bad Girl. I honestly spent 2 hours on both of these fights. I don't mind hard bosses, nor do I mind restarting fights. However, when the boss fights are around 10 minutes each, dying and then restarting the fight gets annoying after a while since it takes so long. I ended up being there for exactly 2 hours and 45 minutes on Bad Girl.

Cutting dudes in half is good and all, however, there is another part of the game I have to mention. While the ranking fights are the main part of the game, inbetween those, you have to gather money! How do you gather money? 

By going around in the overworld of Santa Destroy and doing missions over and over, of course! The overworld was cool for about 15 minutes, but once you spend 2 hours in between all of the ranked fights grinding for money to do the next ranked fights and get new katanas, it starts to get a little annoying. An example of some of the missions you have to do is kill the CEO of a chain of restaurants named "Pizza Butt" or gather coconuts and bring them to your employer. Fun for one short mission, not fun when you need to do them countless time to get enough money to go to the next fight. As much as I love the city of Santa Destroy, I think I spent about half of the game in the overworld mindlessly grinding, when I should have been slicing dudes in half.

Sir Henry, Secret Boss Dude

One final thing I need to mention is what happened to me at the end of the game. At the end of the game, there are two endings: A fake out one where you get killed while you're taking a shit on the toilet, and an ending that you get if you've bought all the swords, where you fight your twin brother Henry (He's Irish!) in the parking lot of your motel. It's an intense final fight, and he even did the whole crossguard lightsaber before episode 7, except with two extra lasers for the guard! Of course, before I went to that, I wanted to see the joke ending. After the ending, it took me to the save screen and told me to clear my game. Being an idiot, I thought it just meant adding a little "cleared!" thing next to my profile. I was wrong. Instead, it deleted my save file. I wouldn't be able to fight Henry without replaying the entire game all over again. So basically, my reaction was:

How could they do this to me? That fight looked so fun, now I'll never be able to do it without replaying the whole game, nor will I be able to reload my save and get the rest of the items in the game, or anything of the sort. It pissed me off SO much that I immediately started playing the sequel. I'm not sure why that was my first response, but hey, now you can look forward to a post about the sequel sometime soon. 

In short, No More Heroes is a good game, but a flawed game. The voice acting and writing is kind of weird, the gameplay can get boring, especially with some of the overworld stuff, but at the same time, it's so stupidly fun that I can ignore most of the flaws and just have a good, mindless time slicing dudes into nothing but a bloody mess. For now, I'll end the post with the best way to save your game in any game I've ever seen: Taking a shit on a toilet.

Stay classy, No More Heroes.

Carg's Stupid Tale of Twitter

EDIT: My twitter got unlocked, so most of the stuff on this article is kind of invalid. I'm going to keep it up, just because the story is funny. I do now I post on it and stuff, so you can get to it here.

"Yknow, I feel like I don't post enough here. I mean, I know I made like 4 posts back to back recently, but that was for school! What if there was a way to post stupid things and shitpost in a really short, quick, and frequent manner as well as update people on my dumb life?"

These were the thoughts that inspired me to try and get a twitter. The keyword here is "try". I've been thinking about getting a twitter recently, since I do like to read through twitters of various YouTubers and cartoon creators to see what they're up to, like Alex Hirsh, the Creator of the now concluded TV Show "Gravity Falls" rip in peace. Just reading about dumb stuff these people do in their spare time amuses me. Maybe I'm just a Nosy Nelly or something. I thought there must be other Nosy Nelly's out there who'd want to read about what I do in my life, so hey, I might as well make a Twitter? I usually despise social media, but hey, let's make an exception!

So, I went and made a twitter! You can visit the twitter here. You may notice that there's only 1 post. 1 singular post, featuring a dumb reference to that awful game, Bubsy. "Why don't you make more posts, Mr. Carg? I wanna stalk your every move and know what you're doing in your day to day life, since I don't have one of my own!" Don't worry, I know how you feel. Let's discuss the reason why there's only one post, shall we?

After making that glorious singular post, I went to watch one of my favorite movies, Castle In The Sky, with my family. (They all fell asleep while watching the movie. I don't think they liked it very much.)  After the movie was done, I went upstairs to go make my glorious second twitter post, only to be told I was locked out of my account. My first reaction was:

Why did I get locked out of my account? Did I rustle someone's jimmies by posting about Bubsy Bobcat? Was it the link to my blog, which was on another site? Was 17 not old enough to have a twitter? That can't be the case, unless everyone in my school lied about their age. But then the second part happened.

And then my reaction was more

Why did I need a phone to unlock my account? I guess that makes sense, it could confirm it's me and not some random person who broke into my 1 hour old account, but here's the problem. I don't own a phone. I'm basically locked out of my stupid account until I buy a device I would never use, aside from playing Downwell on the go. That doesn't seem worth a monthly payment of 40$ or however much a phone bill is. I tried emailing them about it, but all I got was an automated email telling me how to connect my phone. "Well, whatever, I guess I won't be posting on twitter anytime soon. At least it's over with!" I thought to myself. I was wrong.

I go to look at my emails, and what do I find? Emails from Twitter! That's right, even though I can't access my account, and twitter support didn't do crap to help me, they're still sending me emails about people I should follow, and if I "know how to tweet". I can't even turn them off in my Twitter's setting, since twitter locked me out of my account. Thanks, Twitter! I could of course block the email address, but that would just send them to my junk mail, it wouldn't stop the messages from being sent.

Maybe I'll solve this eventually, but for now, I just felt like aimlessly ranting about this platform and my struggles with it. Perhaps, one day, the Carg Twitter will be unlocked, and I'll be able to post about dumb things for all of your viewing pleasure. Wait, what's this on the "report" Page? A new option? Let's see here...

Yknow, maybe being locked out of this site wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

Guess what crappy blog just reached 1000 views? This one! Isn't that something? It is indeed. How will we celebrate this occasion, you ask? Why, by ending a running joke that was never funny! That's right, guess who got Marvel Vs. Capcom 3? This guy! Time to celebrate!

I managed to find myself a copy of Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 at my local family video for 10$. Family Video sells all of their old rentals for 10$ each, which meant I could get the game in all of it's glory. I got the PS3 version of the game, however, I don't actually own a PS3. Talk about putting the carriage before the horse, eh? Until I get PS3, it's just going to be sitting on my shelf, next to Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: All Star Battle. I think I'm going to be building up a collection of games I can't play. Thankfully, all is not lost; My cousin has a PS3! Until I get one of my own, I've been playing the game on there during the weekends. I also managed to learn that my Fightstick works on the PS3. I'm relieved, now I won't need to spend an extra 60$ to buy a PCB that works on PS3. It doesn't work on the 360 though as far as I believe, I guess that's just more reason not to get one. Now, onto the review!

Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 is basically everything I thought it was, a 4 button fighter with Marvel and Capcom characters. The combos are insane, X-Factor is overpowered, and there is button mashing. It's quite the fighting game, if I do say so myself. I don't have much I can really say, aside from it's really fun, but has a pretty steep learning curves for people who suck at it, like me.

I feel like I've been playing too much Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 recently, I've built a bit of a muscle memory for that game. It's kind of hard to get into playing the third one, I keep accidentally trying to do Marvel 2 combos, but hey, I'm enjoying myself, but I do have a few problems, but most of them are very minor. For example, one of my favorite characters from the last game, Tron Bonne, feels a lot weaker this time around. I'm also not too fond of the cut characters in the game. Most people were upset that MegaMan isn't in the game, but I myself am more upset that Gambit isn't in this one. He was my favorite character...

I'm really upset about some of the cut characters, a lot of the more unique characters are gone for more popular characters. But hey, you win some, you lose some. Either way, we got Zero! Screw MegaMan, we got Zero! And the dog from Okami! The one with the name I don't feel like trying to spell! Oh yeah, and Modok. Not sure what he's doing here. Oh, and Deadpool. Can't forget Deadpool. He has a Hyper Combo move where he takes the Hyper bar and beats your opponent with it, what's not to love?

Anyways, that's all for now. At long last, Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 has been posted about. I finally have it in my hands! Now it's time to move on to better things...

...Such as Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3! This is the best version of the game, it has more characters, like Hawkeye, and Phoenix Wright! Wow! Isn't that great? I can't wait to get it!

Is Sonic Adventure a Good Game?

Man, I really suck at Marvel VS. Capcom 2. It's pretty dang hard to get combos going, the game is unbalanced to hell, plus there's no Zero. At least Gambit is in that game, Gambit is awesome. Oh yeah, and Servbot, those guys are adorable, too bad he's total garbage in that game. Wait, I'm supposed to talking Sonic Adventure! Oops.

There was a point in grade school where I was completely obsessed with Sonic The Hedgehog, While it's super cringeworthy looking back on it, it really was a really fun back when I was 10. One of my favorite Sonic games was Sonic Adventure DX on the Gamecube. Recently, Sonic Adventure has gotten quite a negative reputation as aging really poorly, being a buggy mess, and even just being an overall bad game. The game was recently on sale on Steam, so I figured I'd buy it and see how I feel about it. Does it still hold up? Is it a good game? Continue reading to find out!

Accurate Image of Sonic Adventure

Frankly, after replaying most of the game, I think it has aged about as well as leaving a ham sandwich outside since 1999, or 1998 if you live in Japan. The sandwich is old and gross, and it probably tasted a lot better when it was first made. However, even though that sandwich is old, there's still a bit of flavor and goodness hidden deep inside the sandwich that some sick person could still get some enjoyment out of it. That's me. I'm the sick person. I think Sonic Adventure is fun. I ate the 17 year old sandwich.What have I done?

Now, in order to justify my enjoyment of the game, I must state my reasons! That's how the whole debate thing works, right? The game is old, broken, buggy and all that stuff, but I think that may be one of the reasons I like playing it so much. It has a good balance of "so bad it's good" and actual good features. I myself just have a good time making fun of the game, I love spindashing and building up infinite speed, running into something and watching the camera give itself a seizure, glitching into the floor and falling out of the world, and of course, Big the Cat jokes never get old. Those never fail to make me laugh.

Quality lip syncing right here

By far one of my favorite parts of the game it's atrocious voice acting. I swear, I quote some of these lines without even realizing it sometimes. The delivery and horrible writing really makes these some of the most memorable voice acting in any video game. I can't even understand how someone could act this horribly, even my sub-par acting is better than this. It's truly a joy to watch such disastrous performances. However, my personal favorite part of the voice acting is the lip syncing. I've seen bad lip syncing, but nothing, nothing compares to this. Their faces stretch and wiggle around, they don't even remotely match the lines being delivered. I can't even explain it properly, it has to be seen to be believed.

Frankly, I know the game isn't very good, but I can't help myself from having a blast when I play it. Maybe you agree with me, maybe you think the game is a steaming pile of poop, but either way, we can all agree that the lip syncing is amazing.

Servbots Are The Best Things Ever

Yknow, I've been playing a lot of Marvel VS. Capcom 2 recently, and while it's not my favorite game ever, I do enjoy it quite a bit. One of my favorite characters in the game is Tron Bonne, a character from the Megaman Legends games. While I don't think she's that great in this game, I really like playing as her, mostly because I enjoy the games she's from, as well as her character and personality in general. However, the main reason I like to play as her is not Tron herself, but in fact, the tiny little robot to her side.

Behold, the Servbot!
(The little dude on the left)

Servbots are essentially little LEGO people that Tron Bonne constructed to be her servants, and my god, they're amazing. There's just something inherently adorable about their design that makes me want to hug them. Imagine having an army of these little dudes cooking your meals, doing your laundry, tucking you in at night, doing your school work, unleashing their ultimate power onto your greatest enemies, crushing anyone who apposes you under their tiny little bodies, robbing banks, conquering nations... Wait, forget those last few parts! I can't have people knowing my plans...

But maybe you've never played a MegaMan Legends game, and yet you still recognize these little guys. Well, they do cameo quite a bit in some other Capcom games, the Dead Rising series in particular. In those games (From what I've seen at least, I have yet to play them myself) there are various stores containing Servbot related merchandise. You can play through this violent zombie apocalypse game wearing a giant Servbot head, and it is truly glorious.

I'm not one for zombie games, but I want to play this game just to go around wearing a Servbot head and beating people with Servbot heads.

But yeah, that's my opinion on the Servbots. They're adorable, and I love them, and so should you!

...

Wait a second. Servbots are small, indestructible, yellow and blue, adorable servants that work for an evil doer... Where have I heard of that before?

OH GOD

Well, I I didn't think it was possible for me to hate minions more, but once again I was proved wrong. Stupid minions, copying Servbots! For shame! I hate the Minions so much that I'm not even going to talk about it right now! Nope! This post is long enough as it is, the minions deserve their own post to be completely destroyed. Besides, this isn't a post about the minions, this is a post about Servbots, and how adorable they are!

Look at this little guy, I just want to hug him! You sweep that floor, little guy! Make your boss happy!

One final note I'd like to point out is Tron Bonne's "Lunch Rush" move from the Marvel VS. Capcom games. In this move, all of the Servbots run by you to get their lunch, trampling over your opponent. A really nice detail I felt like pointing out is that the move does 41 hits, and there are 41 Servbots in total from the MegaMan Legends games. It's little details like that which make me want Marvel Vs. Capcom 3! One day.

Oh yeah, Servbot is also in Marvel VS. Capcom 2! He's the worst character in the game. Isn't that fun?

Trucks In Europe

Remember in the last post when I said I wouldn't have Marvel VS. Capcom 3 on the next post? Well, I was correct! However, I did manage to get a Dreamcast emulator working so I could play Marvel VS. Capcom 2.

Now then, on to the topic of the current post! Over the Christmas break, one of my good friends bought me a game on Steam that I had my eye on for a while: Euro Truck Simulator 2. I'm not quite sure why, but I heard the game was pretty good, so I added it to my wishlist, and now here we are. 

What do you do in Euro Truck Simulator 2, you ask? Well, you drive trucks. In Europe. This isn't a silly simulator game like Goat Simulator, or Rock Simulator ( A game where you stare at a rock), this is a normal, full fledged truck simulator where you drive trucks. In Europe. It's really nothing more than just that, driving trucks. In Europe. You can have different kinds of cargo too, you could have a normal box truck, or you could be delivering vehicles, or maybe driving a tanker!

You may be thinking to yourself: "Carg, that's really boring! Why would you play this game? All you do is drive trucks! You could do that in real life! Get a job, you unemployed loser!" First of all, you don't need to be so mean about it. Second of all, I suck at driving, and when I say suck, I mean I suck at driving. If I had a job as a truck driver in real life, I'd probably crash in a ditch and die, and then all of that precious cargo would be lost! Also, I don't live in Europe, so I could never be a Euro Trucker, unless I really felt like moving across the ocean to drive trucks for a living. The weird thing about this game is that it should be boring, it shouldn't be fun, all you're doing is driving. But for some reason, I keep playing this game! It's so addicting, I've made around 60,000 in game Euros so far! I can't even explain what's so fun about this game to me, but there's something really satisfying about driving a huge truck around. It's fun to just go to different places, and see cool looking hills while driving.

One of my favorite parts of the game is the radio feature. There's an in game radio that lets you play a radio from a list of online radio stations, which is one of the reasons I bought the game, it just sounded really cool to me. I could be a real trucker, listening to music and junk! I could listen to music! While driving a truck! In Europe! In a video game! Wooooah! My personal favorite station is "HotMixRadio", a French Station that plays 80's music, but doesn't play any french music. Don't question the logic of HotMixRadio!

This here is Senor, the character profile I picked for my save file. I like to picture Senor as a Mexican outlaw who escaped to Europe to become a truck driver to get away from his crimes against his country. I actually just picked him because he looks like the guy who runs a store near my grandparents house

If I were to have one major complaint about this game, it's driving in the United Kingdom. It's more of a personal complain, but my god, driving there is awful for one main reason: They drive on the left side! It goes against everything I've ever known, how am I supposed to drive on the left side of the road? What makes it worse is that when you're in the UK, most of the time you're using a truck with a wheel on the right side of the car, which makes it even more confusing to me! Not to mention that the speed limits seem a lot higher over there, which resulted in a lot of crashes, and my truck sustaining 35% damage by the end of it. Granted, I'm sure people in the UK feel the same way about the right side of the road, but man, I can't stand it. I'm making sure to avoid any and all routes involving the UK.

One other weird problem I have with the game is the performance. I'd like to think I have a pretty good computer, it can run most games I play at a high framerate, but for some reason, Euro Truck Simulator 2 runs incredibly poor on my computer. I can't get 30FPS on anything above low graphics settings, which is really odd. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand how I can run Team Fortress 2 at over 60 FPS on high-ish settings, but can't get over 30 FPS on a game where you drive trucks in Europe.

And that's about all I have to say about Euro Truck Simulator 2. It's an oddly fun game, and I do recommend playing it if you're interested in it at all. It's a great game to play while listening to a podcast, watching a TV show, or talking with some friends simultaneously. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to play some- Wait, this game has DLC? And mods?